MiSTings and More

Clients from Hell: The List

Dedicated to everyone who ever absorbed Clients from Hell
aka “the life and death of a lively discussion thread”—
along with their morning coffee.

the apocryphal price lis

The Stories

  1. You Keep Using That Word.

    I don’t think it means what you think it means.

  2. You’re the professional: you should be able to read my mind.
  3. Against Designer’s Advice.
  4. We don’t have to show you no steenkin’ watermarks!
  5. Justifiable Homicide

    “And that’s when I killed him, Your Honor.”

  6. My lack of planning is your emergency.

    The words “need” and “want” are synonymous.

  7. Clarke’s Third Law

    “Any sufficiently advanced technology . . .”

  8. It’s perfect! Just change A, B, C . . . oh, and D, E, F and G.
  9. I can’t pay you now. I’m leaving on vacation / buying a boat / putting on a wedding.
  10. Keep making small changes until you’re back where we started.
  11. I hear links are good. We want to get one from webpagesthatsuck.com.
  12. Sure I signed off on it. That doesn’t mean I wanted you to do it.

Color Is in the Eye of the Client

the client’s color wheel

The Responses

  1. This story does not belong on CFH, because the client does not have horns and a tail.
  2. This is the designer’s fault for not anticipating that the client would try thing-that-no-rational-adult-would-ever-think-of and therefore failing to include a clause in the contract to deal with thing-that-no-rational-adult-would-ever-think-of.
  3. I’ll do anything, so long as I get paid.
  4. You must be new here.
  5. What do you expect? It is the designer’s responsibility to babysit the client. The designer must behave in every way as if the client is incapable of wiping his own chin.
  6. Don’t explain the joke.
  7. I call fake. There was a client in 2013 who was hellish in exactly the same way, and no two people could possibly come up with this same behavior independently.
  8. DISQUS: Are you sure you want to flag this post?

    Yes, I am, thank you for asking.

Read it and weep

I found this bumper sticker at the checkout counter of the dollar store, and laughed so hard I had to buy it. The photograph includes the original packaging—and a bit of my kitchen wall—just so you know I’m not making it up.

bumper sticker in Papyrus

Forty-Two

Zapfino. But you already knew that.