The Pirates of Penzance

		FIFTH AVENUE 31st December, 1879	OPERA COMIQUE 3rd April, 1880	SAVOY 17th March, 1888
Major General Stanley	Mr. J. H. Ryley	Mr. G. Grossmith	Mr. G. Grossmith
The Pirate King	Mr. Brocolini	Mr. Richard Temple	Mr. Richard Temple
Samuel (His Lieutenant)	Mr. Furneaux Cook	Mr. George Temple	Mr. R. Cummings
James (A Pirate)
Frederic (The Pirate Apprentice)	Mr. Hugh Talbot	Mr. George Power	Mr. J. G. Robertson
Sergeant of Police	Mr. F. Clifton	Mr. Rutland Barrington	Mr. Rutland Barrington
Mabel	(General Stanley’s Daughters)	Miss Blanche Roosevelt	Miss Marion Hood	Miss Geraldine Ulmar
Edith	Miss Jessie Bond	Miss Julia Gwynne	Miss Jessie Bond
Kate	Miss R. Brandram	Miss Lilian La Rue	Miss Kavanagh
Isabel	Miss Barlow	Miss Neva Bond	Miss Lawrence
Ruth (Pirate Maid of all Work)	Miss Alice Barnett	Miss Emily Cross	Miss Rosina Brandram
Chorus of Pirates, Police, and General Stanley’s Daughters

ACT I

Scene.—A rocky seashore on the coast of Cornwall. In the distance is a calm sea, on which a schooner is lying at anchor. As the curtain rises groups of pirates are discovered—some drinking, some playing cards. Samuel, the pirate lieutenant, is going from one group to another, filling the cups from a flask. Frederic is seated in a despondent attitude at the back of the scene. Ruth kneels at his feet.

Opening Chorus

Pour, oh pour the pirate sherry;

Fill, oh fill the pirate glass;

And, to make us more than merry,

Let the pirate bumper pass.

Sam.

For to-day our pirate ’prentice

Rises from indenture freed;

Strong his arm and keen his scent is,

He’s a pirate now indeed!

All.

Here’s good luck to Frederic’s ventures!

Frederic’s out of his indentures.

Sam.

Two-and-twenty now he’s rising,

And alone he’s fit to fly,

Which we’re bent on signalizing

With unusual revelry.

All.

Here’s good luck to Frederic’s ventures!

Frederic’s out of his indentures.

So pour! oh pour the pirate sherry, etc.

Frederic rises and comes forward with Pirate King, who enters

King. Yes, Frederic, from to-day you rank as a full-blown member of our band.

All. Hurrah!

Fred. My friends, I thank you all, from my heart, for your kindly wishes. Would that I could repay them as they deserve!

King. What do you mean?

Fred. To-day I am out of my indentures, and to-day I leave you for ever.

King. But this is quite unaccountable; a keener hand at scuttling a Cunarder or cutting out a White Star never shipped a handspike.

Fred. Yes, I have done my best for you. And why? It was my duty under my indentures, and I am the slave of duty. As a child I was regularly apprenticed to your band. It was through an error—no matter, the mistake was ours, not yours, and I was in honour bound by it.

Sam. An error? What error?

Fred. I may not tell you; it would reflect upon my well-loved Ruth.

Ruth. Nay, dear master, my mind has long been gnawed by the cankering tooth of mystery. Better have it out at once!

Song

Ruth.

When Frederic was a little lad he proved so brave and daring,

His father thought he’d ’prentice him to some career seafaring.

I was, alas! his nurserymaid, and so it fell to my lot

To take and bind the promising boy apprentice to a pilot.

A life not bad for a hardy lad, though certainly not a high lot,

Though I’m a nurse, you might do worse, than make your boy a pilot.

I was a stupid nurserymaid, on breakers always steering,

And I did not catch the word aright, through being hard of hearing:

Mistaking my instructions, which within my brain did gyrate,

I took and bound this promising boy apprentice to a pirate.

A sad mistake it was to make and doom him to a vile lot,

I bound him to a pirate—you—instead of to a pilot.

I soon found out, beyond all doubt, the scope of this disaster,

But I hadn’t the face to return to my place, and break it to my master.

A nurserymaid is never afraid of what you people call work,

So I made up my mind to go as a kind of piratical maid-of-all-work.

And that is how you find me now, a member of your shy lot,

Which you wouldn’t have found, had he been bound apprentice to a pilot!

Ruth. Oh, pardon! Frederic, pardon!

Fred. Rise, sweet one, I have long pardoned you.

Ruth. Rises. The two words were so much alike!

Fred. They were. They still are, though years have rolled over their heads. But this afternoon my obligation ceases. Individually, I love you all with affection unspeakable, but, collectively, I look upon you with a disgust that amounts to absolute detestation. Oh! pity me, my beloved friends, for such is my sense of duty that, once out of my indentures, I shall feel myself bound to devote myself heart and soul to your extermination!

All. Poor lad—poor lad! All weep.

King. Well, Frederic, if you conscientiously feel that it is your duty to destroy us, we cannot blame you for acting on that conviction. Always act in accordance with the dictates of your conscience, my boy, and chance the consequences.

Sam. Besides, we can offer you but little temptation to remain with us. We don’t seem to make piracy pay. I’m sure I don’t know why, but we don’t.

Fred. I know why, but, alas! I mustn’t tell you; it wouldn’t be right.

King. Why not, my boy? It’s only half-past eleven, and you are one of us until the clock strikes twelve.

Sam. True, and until then you are bound to protect our interests.

All. Hear, hear!

Fred. Well, then, it is my duty, as a pirate, to tell you that you are too tender-hearted. For instance, you make a point of never attacking a weaker party than yourselves, and when you attack a stronger party you invariably get thrashed.

King. There is some truth in that.

Fred. Then, again, you make a point of never molesting an orphan!

Sam. Of course: we are orphans ourselves, and know what it is.

Fred. Yes, but it has got about, and what is the consequence? Every one we capture says he’s an orphan. The last three ships we took proved to be manned entirely by orphans, and so we had to let them go. One would think that Great Britain’s mercantile navy was recruited solely from her orphan asylums—which we know is not the case.

Sam. But, hang it all! you wouldn’t have us absolutely merciless?

Fred. There’s my difficulty; until twelve o’clock I would—after twelve I wouldn’t! Was ever a man placed in so delicate a situation?

Ruth. And Ruth, your own Ruth, whom you love so well, and who has won her middle-aged way into your boyish heart, what is to become of her?

King. Oh, he will take you with him.

Fred. Well, Ruth, I feel some little difficulty about you. It is true that I admire you very much, but I have been constantly at sea since I was eight years old, and yours is the only woman’s face I have seen during that time. I think it is a sweet face.

Ruth. It is—oh, it is!

Fred. I say I think it is; that is my impression. But as I have never had an opportunity of comparing you with other women, it is just possible I may be mistaken.

King. True.

Fred. What a terrible thing it would be if I were to marry this innocent person, and then find out that she is, on the whole, plain!

King. Oh, Ruth is very well, very well indeed.

Sam. Yes, there are the remains of a fine woman about Ruth.

Fred. Do you really think so? Then I will not be so selfish as to take her from you. In justice to her, and in consideration for you, I will leave her behind. Hands Ruth to King.

King. No, Frederic, this must not be. We are rough men who lead a rough life, but we are not so utterly heartless as to deprive thee of thy love. I think I am right in saying that there is not one here who would rob thee of this inestimable treasure for all the world holds dear!

All. Loudly. Not one!

King. No, I thought there wasn’t. Keep thy love, Frederic, keep thy love. Hands her back to Frederic.

Fred. Discontentedly. You’re very good, I’m sure.

King. Well, it’s the top of the tide, and we must be off. Farewell, Frederic. When your process of extermination begins, let our deaths be as swift and painless as you can conveniently make them.

Fred. I will—by the love I have for you, I swear it! Would that you could render this extermination unnecessary by accompanying me back to civilization!

King. No, Frederic, it cannot be. I don’t think much of our profession, but, contrasted with respectability, it is comparatively honest. No, Frederic, I shall live and die a Pirate King.

Song

Pirate King.

Oh, better far to live and die

Under the brave black flag I fly,

Than play a sanctimonious part,

With a pirate head and a pirate heart.

Away to the cheating world go you,

Where pirates all are well to do;

But I’ll be true to the song I sing,

And live and die a Pirate King.

For I am a Pirate King.

All.

You are!

Hurrah for our Pirate King!

King.

And it is, it is a glorious thing

To be a Pirate King.

All.

Hurrah!

Hurrah for our Pirate King!

King.

When I sally forth to seek my prey

I help myself in a royal way:

I sink a few more ships, it’s true,

Than a well-bred monarch ought to do;

But many a king on a first-class throne,

If he wants to call his crown his own,

Must manage somehow to get through

More dirty work than ever I do,

Though I am a Pirate King.

All.

You are!

Hurrah for our Pirate King!

King.

And it is, it is a glorious thing

To be a Pirate King!

All.

It is!

Hurrah for our Pirate King!

Exeunt all except Frederic and Ruth.

Ruth. Oh, take me with you! I cannot live if I am left behind.

Fred. Ruth, I will be quite candid with you. You are very dear to me, as you know, but I must be circumspect. You see you are considerably older than I. A lad of twenty-one usually looks for a wife of seventeen.

Ruth. A wife of seventeen! You will find me a wife of a thousand!

Fred. No, but I shall find you a wife of forty-seven and that is quite enough. Ruth, tell me candidly, and without reserve, compared with other women—how are you?

Ruth. I will answer you truthfully, master—I have a slight cold, but otherwise I am quite well.

Fred. I am sorry for your cold, but I was referring to your personal appearance. Compared with other women, are you beautiful?

Ruth. Bashfully. I have been told so, dear master.

Fred. Ah, but lately?

Ruth. Oh, no, years and years ago.

Fred. What do you think of yourself?

Ruth. It is a delicate question to answer, but I think I am a fine woman.

Fred. That is your candid opinion?

Ruth. Yes, I should be deceiving you if I told you otherwise.

Fred. Thank you, Ruth, I believe you, for I am sure you would not practise on my inexperience; I wish to do the right thing, and if—I say if—you are really a fine woman, your age shall be no obstacle to our union! Chorus of girls heard in the distance. Hark! Surely I hear voices! Who has ventured to approach our all but inaccessible lair? Can it be Custom House? No, it does not sound like Custom House.

Ruth. Aside. Confusion! it is the voices of young girls! If he should see them I am lost.

Fred. Looking off. By all that’s marvellous, a bevy of beautiful maidens!

Ruth. Aside. Lost! lost! lost!

Fred. How lovely! how surpassingly lovely is the plainest of them! What grace—what delicacy—what refinement! And Ruth— Ruth told me she was beautiful!

Recit.

Fred.

Oh, false one, you have deceived me!

Ruth.

I have deceived you?

Fred.

Yes, deceived me! Denouncing her.

Duet—Fred. and Ruth

Fred.

You told me you were fair as gold!

Ruth. Wildly.

And, master, am I not so?

Fred.

And now I see you’re plain and old,

Ruth.

I am sure I am not a jot so.

Fred.

Upon my ignorance you play,

Ruth.

I’m not the one to plot so.

Fred.

Your face is lined, your hair is gray.

Ruth.

It’s gradually got so.

Fred.

Faithless woman to deceive me,

I who trusted so!

Ruth.

Master, master, do not leave me,

Hear me, ere you go!

My love without reflecting,

Oh, do not be rejecting—

Take a maiden tender—her affection raw and green,

At very highest rating,

Has been accumulating

Summers seventeen—summers seventeen.

Don’t, beloved master,

Crush me with disaster.

What is such a dower to the dower I have here?

My love unabating

Has been accumulating

Forty-seven year—forty-seven year!

At the end he renounces her and she goes off in despair.

Recit.

Fred.

What shall I do? Before these gentle maidens

I dare not show in this detested costume.

No, better far remain in close concealment

Until I can appear in decent clothing!

Hides in cave as General Stanley’s daughters enter, climbing over the rocks.

Girls.

Climbing over rocky mountain,

Skipping rivulet and fountain,

Passing where the willows quiver

By the ever-rolling river,

Swollen with the summer rain;

Threading long and leafy mazes

Dotted with unnumbered daisies;

Scaling rough and rugged passes,

Climb the hardy little lasses,

Till the bright seashore they gain!

Edith.

Let us gaily tread the measure,

Make the most of fleeting leisure;

Hail it as a true ally,

Though it perish by-and-bye.

All.

Hail it as a true ally,

Though it perish by-and-bye.

Edith.

Every moment brings a treasure

Of its own especial pleasure,

Though the moments quickly die,

Greet them gaily as they fly.

Kate.

Far away from toil and care,

Revelling in fresh sea air,

Here we live and reign alone

In a world that’s all our own.

Here in this our rocky den

Far away from mortal men

We’ll be queens, and make decrees—

They may honour them who please.

All.

Let us gaily tread the measure, etc.

Kate. What a picturesque spot! I wonder where we are!

Edith. And I wonder where papa is. We have left him ever so far behind.

Isabel. Oh, he will be here presently! Remember poor papa is not as young as we are, and we come over a rather difficult country.

Kate. But how thoroughly delightful it is to be so entirely alone! Why, in all probability we are the first human beings who ever set foot on this enchanting spot!

Isabel. Except the mermaids—it’s the very place for mermaids.

Kate. Who are only human beings down to the waist!

Edith. And who can’t be said strictly to set foot anywhere. Tails they may, but feet they cannot.

Kate. But what shall we do until papa and the servants arrive with the luncheon?

Edith. We are quite alone, and the sea is as smooth as glass. Suppose we take off our shoes and stockings and paddle?

All. Yes, yes! The very thing!

They prepare to carry out the suggestion. They have all taken off one shoe, when Frederic comes forward from cave.

Fred. Recitative.

Stop, ladies, pray!

All. Hopping on one foot.

A man!

Fred.

I had intended

Not to intrude myself upon your notice

In this effective but alarming costume,

But under these peculiar circumstances

It is my bounden duty to inform you

That your proceedings will not be unwitnessed!

Edith.

But who are you, sir? Speak! All hopping.

Fred.

I am a pirate!

All. Recoiling, hopping.

A pirate! Horror!

Fred.

Ladies, do not shudder!

This evening I renounce my wild profession;

And to that aid, oh, pure and peerless maidens,

Oh, blushing buds of ever-blooming beauty,

I, sore of heart, implore your kind assistance!

Edith.

How pitiful his tale!

Kate.

How rare his beauty!

All.

How pitiful his tale! How rare his beauty! Put on their shoes, and group in semicircle

Song

Fred.

Oh, is there not one maiden breast

Which does not feel the moral beauty

Of making worldly interest

Subordinate to sense of duty?

Who would not give up willingly

All matrimonial ambition,

To rescue such a one as I

From his unfortunate position?

All.

Alas! there’s not one maiden breast

Which seems to feel the moral beauty

Of making worldly interest

Subordinate to sense of duty!

Fred.

Oh, is there not one maiden here

Whose homely face and bad complexion

Have caused all hopes to disappear

Of ever winning man’s affection?

To such a one, if such there be,

I swear by Heaven’s dome above you,

If you will cast your eyes on me—

However plain you be—I’ll love you!

All.

Alas! there’s not one maiden here

Whose homely face and bad complexion

Have caused all hope to disappear

Of ever winning man’s affection!

Fred. In despair.

Not one?

All.

No, no—not one!

Fred.

Not one?

All.

No, no!

Mabel enters

Mabel.

Yes, one!

All.

’Tis Mabel!

Mabel.

Yes, ’tis Mabel!

Recit.

Mabel.

Oh, sisters, deaf to pity’s name,

For shame!

It’s true that he has gone astray,

But pray

Is that a reason good and true

Why you

Should all be deaf to pity’s name?

For shame!

All. Aside.

The question is, had he not been

A thing of beauty,

Would she be swayed by quite as keen

A sense of duty?

Song

Mabel.

Poor wandering one!

Though thou hast surely strayed,

Take heart of grace,

Thy steps retrace,

Be not—be not afraid,

Poor wandering one!

If such poor love as mine

Can help thee find

True peace of mind—

Why, take it, it is thine!

Take heart, fair days will shine;

Take any heart—take mine!

All.

Take heart; no danger lowers;

Take any heart—but ours!

Mabel and Frederic exit into cave L., and converse.

Edith beckons her sisters, who form in a semicircle around her.

Edith.

What ought we to do,

Gentle sisters, pray?

Propriety, we know,

Says we ought to stay;

While sympathy exclaims,

“Free them from your tether—

Play at other games—

Leave them here together.”

Kate.

Her case may, any day,

Be yours, my dear, or mine.

Let her make her hay

While the sun doth shine.

Let us compromise,

(Our hearts are not of leather,)

Let us shut our eyes,

And talk about the weather.

Ladies.

Yes, yes, let’s talk about the weather.

They retire up stage and sit in couples.

Chattering Chorus

How beautifully blue the sky,

The glass is rising very high,

Continue fine I hope it may,

And yet it rained but yesterday.

To-morrow it may pour again,

(I hear the country wants some rain,)

Yet people say, I know not why,

That we shall have a warm July.

Solo

During Mabel’s solo the Girls continue chatter pianissimo, but listening eagerly all the time.

Mabel.

Did ever maiden wake

From dream of homely duty,

To find her daylight break

With such exceeding beauty?

Did ever maiden close

Her eyes on waking sadness,

To dream of goodness knows

How much exceeding gladness?

Fred.

Oh, yes! ah, yes! this is exceeding gladness.

Girls.

How beautifully blue the sky, etc.

Solo

During this, Girls continue their chatter pianissimo as before, but listening intently all the time.

Fred.

Did ever pirate roll

His soul in guilty dreaming,

And wake to find that soul

With peace and virtue beaming?

Did ever pirate loathed

Forsake his hideous mission,

To find himself betrothed

To lady of position?

Mabel.

Ah, yes! ah, yes! I am a lady of position!

Recit.

Fred.

Stay, we must not lose our senses,

Men who stick at no offences

Will anon be here.

Piracy their dreadful trade is,

Pray you get you hence, young ladies,

While the coast is clear.

Girls.

No, we must not lose our senses,

If they stick at no offences.

Piracy their dreadful trade is—

Nice associates for young ladies!

Let us disappear.

During this chorus the Pirates have entered stealthily, and formed in a semicircle behind the Girls. As the Girls move to go off each Pirate seizes a girl. King seizes Edith, Samuel seizes Kate.

All.

Too late!

Pirates.

Ha! Ha!

All.

Too late!

Pirates.

Ha! Ha!

Ha! ha! ha! ha! Ha! ha! ha! ha!

Mabel. Coming forward.

Recit.

Hold, monsters! Ere your pirate caravanserai

Proceed, against our will, to wed us all,

Just bear in mind that we are Wards in Chancery,

And father is a Major-General!

Sam. Cowed.

We’d better pause, or danger may befal,

Their father is a Major-General.

Ladies.

Yes, yes; he is a Major-General!

The Major-General has entered unnoticed, on rock.

Gen.

Yes, yes, I am a Major-General!

All.

You are!

Hurrah for the Major-General!

Gen.

And it is—it is a glorious thing

To be a Major-General!

All.

It is!

Hurrah for the Major-General!

Song

Gen.

I am the very pattern of a modern Major-Gineral,

I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral;

I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical,

From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;

I’m very well acquainted too with matters mathematical,

I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,

About binomial theorem I’m teeming with a lot o’ news—

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

All.

With many cheerful facts, etc.

Gen.

I’m very good at integral and differential calculus,

I know the scientific names of beings animalculous;

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,

I am the very model of a modern Major-Gineral.

All.

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,

He is the very model of a modern Major-Gineral.

Gen.

I know our mythic history, King Arthur’s and Sir Caradoc’s,

I answer hard acrostics, I’ve a pretty taste for paradox,

I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,

In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous.

I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,

I know the croaking chorus from the “Frogs” of Aristophanes,

Then I can hum a fugue of which I’ve heard the music’s din afore,

And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense “Pinafore.”

All.

And whistle all the airs, etc.

Gen.

Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,

And tell you every detail of Caractacus’s uniform;

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,

I am the very model of a modern Major-Gineral.

All.

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,

He is the very model of a modern Major-Gineral.

Gen.

In fact, when I know what is meant by “mamelon” and “ravelin,”

When I can tell at sight a chassepôt rifle from a javelin,

When such affairs as sorties and surprises I’m more wary at,

And when I know precisely what is meant by “commissariat,”

When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,

When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery;

In short, when I’ve a smattering of elemental strategy,

You’ll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee—

All.

You’ll say a better, etc.

Gen.

For my military knowledge, though I’m plucky and adventury,

Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;

But still in learning vegetable, animal, and mineral,

I am the very model of a modern Major-Gineral.

All.

But still in learning vegetable, animal, and mineral,

He is the very model of a modern Major-Gineral.

Gen. And now that I’ve introduced myself I should like to have some idea of what’s going on.

Kate. Oh, papa—we—

Sam. Permit me, I’ll explain in two words: we propose to marry your daughters.

Gen. Dear me!

Girls. Against our wills, papa—against our wills!

Gen. Oh, but you mustn’t do that! May I ask—this is a picturesque uniform, but I’m not familiar with it. What are you?

King. We are all single gentlemen.

Gen. Yes, I gathered that—anything else?

King. No, nothing else.

Edith. Papa, don’t believe them; they are pirates—the famous Pirates of Penzance!

Gen. The Pirates of Penzance! I have often heard of them.

Mabel. All except this gentleman— Indicating Frederic —who was a pirate once, but who is out of his indentures to-day, and who means to lead a blameless life evermore.

Gen. But wait a bit. I object to pirates as sons-in-law.

King. We object to Major-Generals as fathers-in-law. But we waive that point. We do not press it. We look over it.

Gen. Aside. Hah! an idea! Aloud. And do you mean to say that you would deliberately rob me of these, the sole remaining props of my old age, and leave me to go through the remainder of my life unfriended, unprotected, and alone?

King. Well, yes, that’s the idea.

Gen. Tell me, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan?

Pirates. Disgusted. Oh, dash it all!

King. Here we are again!

Gen. I ask you, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan?

King. Often!

Gen. Yes, orphan. Have you ever known what it is to be one?

King. I say, often.

All. Disgusted. Often, often, often. Turning away.

Gen. I don’t think we quite understand one another. I ask you, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan, and you say “orphan.” As I understand you, you are merely repeating the word “orphan” to show that you understand me.

King. I didn’t repeat the word often.

Gen. Pardon me, you did indeed.

King. I only repeated it once.

Gen. True, but you repeated it.

King. But not often.

Gen. Stop: I think I see where we are getting confused. When you said “orphan,” did you mean “orphan”—a person who has lost his parents, or “often”—frequently?

King. Ah! I beg pardon—I see what you mean—frequently.

Gen. Ah! you said often—frequently.

King. No, only once.

Gen. Irritated. Exactly—you said often, frequently, only once!

Recit.

Gen.

Oh, men of dark and dismal fate,

Forgo your cruel employ,

Have pity on my lonely state,

I am an orphan boy!

King.

An orphan boy?

Gen.

An orphan boy!

Pirates.

How sad—an orphan boy!

Solo

Gen.

These children whom you see

Are all that I can call my own!

Pirates.

Poor fellow!

Gen.

Take them away from me

And I shall be indeed alone.

Pirates.

Poor fellow!

Gen.

If pity you can feel,

Leave me my sole remaining joy—

See, at your feet they kneel;

Your hearts you cannot steel

Against the sad, sad tale of the lonely orphan boy!

Pirates. Sobbing.

Poor fellow!

See at our feet they kneel;

Our hearts we cannot steel

Against the sad, sad tale of the lonely orphan boy!

King.

The orphan boy!

Sam.

The orphan boy!

All.

The lonely orphan boy! Poor fellow!

King.

Although our dark career

Sometimes involves the crime of stealing,

We rather think that we’re

Not altogether void of feeling.

Although we live by strife,

We’re always sorry to begin it,

And what, we ask, is life

Without a touch of Poetry in it?

All. Kneeling.

Hail Poetry, thou heaven-born maid!

Thou gildest e’en the pirate’s trade:

Hail flowing fount of sentiment,

All hail Divine Emollient! All rise.

King.

You may go, for you’re at liberty, our pirate rules protect you,

And honorary members of our band we do elect you!

Sam.

For he is an orphan boy.

Chorus. He is an orphan boy.

Gen.

And it sometimes is a useful thing

To be an orphan boy.

Chorus. It is! Hurrah for the orphan boy!

Oh, happy day, with joyous glee

They will away and merry be;

Should it befall auspiciously,

Our sisters all will bridesmaids be!

Ruth enters and comes down to Frederic

Ruth.

Oh, master, hear one word, I do implore you!

Remember Ruth, your Ruth, who kneels before you!

Chorus. Yes, yes, remember Ruth, who kneels before you!

Fred. Pirates threaten Ruth.

Away, you did deceive me!

Chorus. Away, you did deceive him!

Ruth.

Oh, do not leave me!

Chorus. Oh, do not leave her!

Fred.

Away, you grieve me!

Chorus. Away, you grieve her!

Fred.

I wish you’d leave me!

Chorus. We wish you’d leave her!

Frederic casts Ruth from him.

Ensemble

Pray observe the magnanimity

WeThey display to lace and dimity

Never was such opportunity

To get married with impunity,

But wethey give up the felicity

Of unbounded domesticity,

Though a Doctor of Divinity

Resides in this vicinity.

King.

For we are all orphan boys!

All.

We are!

Hurrah for the orphan boys!

Gen.

And it sometimes is a useful thing

To be an orphan boy!

All.

It is!

Hurrah for the orphan boy!

Girls and General go up rocks, while Pirates indulge in a wild dance of delight an stage. The General produces a British flag, and the Pirate King produces a black flag with skull and cross-bones.

End of Act I

ACT II

Scene.—A Ruined Chapel by Moonlight. Ruined Gothic windows at back. General Stanley discovered seated pensively, surrounded by his daughters.

Chorus

Oh, dry the glistening tear

That dews that martial cheek;

Thy loving children hear,

In them thy comfort seek.

With sympathetic care

Their arms around thee creep,

For oh, they cannot bear

To see their father weep!

Enter Mabel

Solo

Mabel.

Dear father, why leave your bed

At this untimely hour,

When happy daylight is dead,

And darksome dangers lower?

See, heaven has lit her lamp,

The midnight hour is past,

The chilly night air is damp,

And the dews are falling fast!

Dear father, why leave your bed

When happy daylight is dead?

Frederic enters

Mabel. Oh, Frederic, cannot you reconcile it with your conscience to say something that will relieve my father’s sorrow?

Fred. I will try, dear Mabel. But why does he sit, night after night, in this draughty old ruin?

Gen. Why do I sit here? To escape from the pirates’ clutches, I described myself as an orphan, and, heaven forgive me, I am no orphan! I come here to humble myself before the tombs of my ancestors, and to implore their pardon for having brought dishonour on the family escutcheon.

Fred. But you forget, sir, you only bought the property a year ago, and the stucco in your baronial hall is scarcely dry.

Gen. Frederic, in this chapel are ancestors: you cannot deny that. With the estate, I bought the chapel and its contents. I don’t know whose ancestors they were, but I know whose ancestors they are, and I shudder to think that their descendant by purchase (if I may so describe myself) should have brought disgrace upon what, I have no doubt, was an unstained escutcheon.

Fred. Be comforted. Had you not acted as you did, these reckless men would assuredly have called in the nearest clergyman, and have married your large family on the spot.

Gen. I thank you for your proffered solace, but it is unavailing. At what time does your expedition march against these scoundrels?

Fred. At eleven, and before midnight I hope to have atoned for my involuntary association with the pestilent scourges by sweeping them from the face of the earth—and then, my Mabel, you will be mine!

Gen. Are your devoted followers at hand?

Fred. They are, they only wait my orders.

Recit.

Gen.

Then, Frederic, let your escort lion-hearted

Be summoned to receive a general’s blessing,

Ere they depart upon their dread adventure!

Fred.

Dear sir, they come.

Enter Police, marching in double file. They form in line, facing audience

Song

Serg.

When the foeman bares his steel,

Tarantara! tarantara!

We uncomfortable feel,

Tarantara!

And we find the wisest thing,

Tarantara! tarantara!

Is to slap our chests and sing

Tarantara!

For when threatened with emeutes,

Tarantara! tarantara!

And your heart is in your boots,

Tarantara!

There is nothing brings it round,

Tarantara!

Like the trumpet’s martial sound,

Tarantara! tarantara!

Tarantara, ra-ra-ra-ra!

All.

Tarantara, ra-ra-ra-ra!

Mabel.

Go, ye heroes, go to glory,

Though you die in combat gory,

Ye shall live in song and story.

Go to immortality!

Go to death, and go to slaughter;

Die, and every Cornish daughter

With her tears your grave shall water.

Go, ye heroes, go and die!

All.

Go, ye heroes, go and die!

Police.

Though to us it’s evident,

Tarantara! tarantara!

These intentions are well meant,

Tarantara!

Such expressions don’t appear,

Tarantara! tarantara!

Calculated men to cheer,

Tarantara!

Who are going to meet their fate

In a highly nervous state,

Tarantara!

Still to us it’s evident

These intentions are well meant.

Tarantara!

Edith crosses to Sergeant, C.

Edith.

Go and do your best endeavour,

And before all links we sever,

We will say farewell for ever.

Go to glory and the grave!

For your foes are fierce and ruthless,

False, unmerciful, and truthless,

Young and tender, old and toothless,

All in vain their mercy crave!

All.

Yes, your foes are fierce and ruthless, etc.

Serg.

We observe too great a stress

On the risks that on us press,

And of reference a lack

To our chance of coming back.

Still, perhaps it would be wise

Not to carp or criticise,

For it’s very evident

These attentions are well meant.

All.

Yes, to them it’s evident

Our attentions are well meant.

Tarantara-ra-ra-ra-ra!

Go, ye heroes, go to glory, etc.

Gen.

Away, away!

Police. Without moving.

Yes, yes, we go.

Gen.

These pirates slay.

Police.

Yes, yes, we go.

Gen.

Then do not stay.

Police.

We go, we go.

Gen.

Then why all this delay?

Police.

All right—we go, we go.

Yes, forward on the foe,

Ho, ho! Ho, ho!

We go, we go, we go!

Tarantara-ra-ra!

Gen.

Then forward on the foe!

All.

Yes, forward!

Police.

Yes, forward!

Gen.

Yes, but you don’t go!

Police.

We go, we go, we go!

All.

At last they really go—Tarantara-ra-ra!

Mabel tears herself from Frederic and exit, followed by her sisters, consoling her. The General and others follow the Police. Frederic remains.

Recit.

Fred.

Now for the pirates’ lair! Oh, joy unbounded!

Oh, sweet relief! Oh, rapture unexampled!

At last I may atone, in some slight measure,

For the repeated acts of theft and pillage

Which, at a sense of duty’s stern dictation,

I, circumstance’s victim, have been guilty!

King and Ruth appear at the window, armed.

King.

Young Frederic! Covering him with pistol.

Fred.

Who calls?

King.

Your late commander!

Ruth.

And I, your little Ruth! Covering him with pistol.

Fred.

Oh, mad intruders,

How dare ye face me? Know ye not, oh rash ones,

That I have doomed you to extermination?

King and Ruth hold a pistol to each ear.

King.

Have mercy on us; hear us, ere you slaughter.

Fred.

I do not think I ought to listen to you.

Yet, mercy should alloy our stern resentment,

And so I will be merciful—say on!

Trio—Ruth, King, and Frederic

When first you left our pirate fold

We tried to cheer our spirits faint,

According to our customs old,

With quips and quibbles quaint.

But all in vain the quips we heard,

We lay and sobbed upon the rocks,

Until to somebody occurred

An entertaining paradox.

Fred.

A paradox?

King. Laughing.

A paradox!

Ruth.

A most ingenious paradox!

We’ve quips and quibbles heard in flocks,

But none to beat this paradox!

Ha! ha! ha! ha! Ho! ho! ho! ho!

King.

We knew your taste for curious quips,

For cranks and contradictions queer,

And with the laughter on our lips,

We wished you had been there to hear.

We said, “If we could tell it him,

How Frederic would the joke enjoy,”

And so we’ve risked both life and limb

To tell it to our boy.

Fred. Interested.

That paradox? That paradox?

King and Ruth. Laughing.

That most ingenious paradox!

We’ve quips and quibbles heard in flocks,

But none to beat that paradox!

Ha! ha! ha! ha! Ho! ho! ho! ho!

Chant

For some ridiculous reason, to which, however, I’ve no desire to be disloyal,

Some person in authority, I don’t know who—very likely the Astronomer Royal—

Has decided that, although for such a beastly month as February, twenty-eight days as a general rule are plenty,

One year in every four his days shall be reckoned as nine-and-twenty.

Through some singular coincidence—I shouldn’t be surprised if it were owing to the agency of an ill-natured fairy—

You are the victim of this clumsy arrangement, having been born in leap-year, on the twenty-ninth of February,

And so, by a simple arithmetical process, you’ll easily discover,

That though you’ve lived twenty-one years, yet, if we go by birthdays, you’re only five and a little bit over!

Ruth.

Ha! ha! ha! ha!

King.

Ho! ho! ho! ho!

Fred.

Dear me!

Let’s see! Counting on fingers.

Yes, yes; with yours my figures do agree!

All.

Ha! ha! ha! ha! Ho! ho! ho! ho!

Frederic more amused than any of them.

Fred.

How quaint the ways of Paradox!

At common sense she gaily mocks!

Though counting in the usual way,

Years twenty-one I’ve been alive,

Yet, reckoning by my natal day,

I am a little boy of fire!

All.

He is a little boy of five! Ha! ha!

At common sense she gaily mocks,

So quaint a wag is Paradox!

All.

Ha! ha! ha! ha!

King.

Ho! ho! ho! ho!

Ruth.

Ha! ha! ha! ha!

Fred.

Ha! ha! ha! ha!

All.

Ho! ho! ho! ho!

Ruth and King throw themselves back on seats, exhausted with laughter.

Fred. Upon my word, this is most curious—most absurdly whimsical. Five and a quarter! No one would think it to look at me!

Ruth. You are glad now, I’ll be bound, that you spared us. You would never have forgiven yourself when you discovered that you had killed two of your comrades.

Fred. My comrades?

King. Rises. I’m afraid you don’t appreciate the delicacy of your position. You were apprenticed to us—

Fred. Until I reached my twenty-first year.

King. No, until you reached your twenty-first birthday producing document, and, going by birthdays, you are as yet only five and a quarter.

Fred. You don’t mean to say you are going to hold me to that?

King. No, we merely remind you of the fact, and leave the rest to your sense of duty.

Fred. Wildly. Don’t put it on that footing! As I was merciful to you just now, be merciful to me! I implore you not to insist on the letter of your bond just as the cup of happiness is at my lips!

Ruth. We insist on nothing; we content ourselves with pointing out to you your duty.

Fred. After a pause. Well, you have appealed to my sense of duty, and my duty is only too clear. I abhor your infamous calling; I shudder at the thought that I have ever been mixed up with it; but duty is before all—at any price I will do my duty!

King. Bravely spoken! Come, you are one of us once more.

Fred. Lead on, I follow. Suddenly. Oh, horror!

King and Ruth. What is the matter?

Fred. Ought I to tell you? No, no, I cannot do it; and yet, as one of your band—

King. Speak out, I charge you by that sense of conscientiousness to which we have never yet appealed in vain.

Fred. General Stanley, the father of my Mabel—

King and Ruth. Yes, yes!

Fred. He escaped from you on the plea that he was an orphan!

King. He did!

Fred. It breaks my heart to betray the honoured father of the girl I adore, but as your apprentice I have no alternative. It is my duty to tell you that General Stanley is no orphan!

King and Ruth. What!

Fred. More than that, he never was one!

King. Am I to understand that, to save his contemptible life, he dared to practise on our credulous simplicity? Frederic nods as he weeps. Our revenge shall be swift and terrible. We will go and collect our band and attack Tremorden Castle this very night.

Fred. But—

King. Not a word! He is doomed!

King.

With falsehood foul

He tricked us of our brides.

Let vengeance howl;

The Pirate so decides.

Our nature stern

He softened with his lies,

And, in return,

To-night the traitor dies!

All.

Yes, yes! to-night the traitor dies!

Ruth.

To-night he dies!

King.

Yes, or early to-morrow.

Fred.

His girls likewise?

Ruth.

They will welter in sorrow.

King.

The one soft spot

Fred.

In their natures they cherish—

Ruth.

And all who plot

King.

To abuse it shall perish!

All.

Yes, all who plot

To abuse it shall perish!

Away, away! etc.

Exeunt King and Ruth.

Enter Mabel

Recit.

Mabel.

All is prepared, your gallant crew await you.

My Frederic in tears? It cannot be

That lion-heart quails at the coming conflict?

Fred.

No, Mabel, no. A terrible disclosure

Has just been made! Mabel, my dearly-loved one,

I bound myself to serve the pirate captain

Until I reached my one and twentieth birthday—

Mabel.

But you are twenty-one?

Fred.

I’ve just discovered

That I was born in leap-year, and that day

Will not be reached by me till 1940.

Mabel.

Oh, horrible! catastrophe appalling!

Fred.

And so, farewell!

Mabel.

No, no! Oh, Frederic, hear me!

Duet

Mabel.

Stay, Frederic, stay!

They have no legal claim,

No shadow of a shame

Will fall upon thy name.

Stay, Frederic, stay!

Fred.

Nay, Mabel, nay!

To-night I quit these walls,

The thought my soul appals,

But when stern Duty calls,

I must obey.

Mabel.

Stay, Frederic, stay!

Fred.

Nay, Mabel, nay!

Mabel.

They have no claim—

Fred.

But Duty’s name!

The thought my soul appals,

But when stern Duty calls,

I must obey.

Ballad

Mabel.

Oh, leave me not to pine

Alone and desolate;

No fate seemed fair as mine,

No happiness so great!

And nature, day by day,

Has sung, in accents clear,

This joyous roundelay,

“He loves thee—he is here,

Fa-la, fa-la, fa-la.”

Fred.

Ah, I must leave thee here

In endless night to dream,

Where joy is dark and drear,

And sorrow all supreme!

Where nature, day by day,

Will sing, in altered tone,

This weary roundelay,

“He loves thee—he is gone.

Fa-la, fa-la, fa-la.

He loves thee, he is gone.”

Fred.

In 1940 I of age shall be,

I’ll then return, and claim you—I declare it!

Mabel.

It seems so long!

Fred.

Swear that, till then, you will be true to me.

Mabel.

Yes, I’ll be strong!

By all the Stanleys dead and gone, I swear it!

Ensemble

Oh, here is love, and here is truth,

And here is food for joyous laughter.

HeShe will be faithful to hisher sooth

Till we are wed, and even after.

What joy to know that though heI must

Embrace piratical adventures,

HeShe will be faithful to hisher trust

Till he isI am out of hismy indentures.

Fred.

Farewell! Adieu!

Both.

Farewell! Adieu!

Frederic rushes to window and leaps out.

Mabel. Feeling pulse.

Yes, I am brave! Oh, family descent

How great thy charm, thy sway how excellent!

Come, one and all, undaunted men in blue,

A crisis, now, affairs are coming to!

Enter Police, marching in single file

Serg.

Though in body and in mind,

Tarantara, tarantara!

We are timidly inclined,

Tarantara!

And anything but blind,

Tarantara, tarantara!

To the danger that’s behind,

Tarantara!

Yet, when the danger’s near,

Tarantara, tarantara!

We manage to appear,

Tarantara!

As insensible to fear

As anybody here.

Tarantara, tarantara-ra-ra-ra-ra!

Mabel. Sergeant, approach! Young Frederic was to have led you to death and glory.

All. That is not a pleasant way of putting it.

Mabel. No matter; he will not so lead you, for he has allied himself once more with his old associates.

All. He has acted shamefully!

Mabel. You speak falsely. You know nothing about it. He has acted nobly.

All. He has acted nobly!

Mabel. Dearly as I loved him before, his heroic sacrifice to his sense of duty has endeared him to me tenfold. He has done his duty. I will do mine. Go ye and do yours. Exit Mabel.

All. Very well!

Serg. This is perplexing.

All. We cannot understand it at all.

Serg. Still, as he is actuated by a sense of duty—

All. That makes a difference, of course. At the same time we repeat, we cannot understand it at all.

Serg. No matter; our course is clear. We must do our best to capture these pirates alone. It is most distressing to us to be the agents whereby our erring fellow-creatures are deprived of that liberty which is so dear to all—but we should have thought of that before we joined the force.

All. We should!

Serg. It is too late now!

All. It is!

Song

Serg.

When a felon’s not engaged in his employment—

All.

His employment,

Serg.

Or maturing his felonious little plans—

All.

Little plans.

Serg.

His capacity for innocent enjoyment—

All.

’Cent enjoyment

Serg.

Is just as great as any honest man’s—

All.

Honest man’s.

Serg.

Our feelings we with difficulty smother—

All.

’Culty smother

Serg.

When constabulary duty’s to be done—

All.

To be done.

Serg.

Ah, take one consideration with another—

All.

With another,

Serg.

A policeman’s lot is not a happy one.

All.

When constabulary duty’s to be done—

To be done,

The policeman’s lot is not a happy one.

Serg.

When the enterprising burglar’s not a-burgling—

All.

Not a-burgling,

Serg.

When the cut-throat isn’t occupied in crime—

All.

’Pied in crime,

Serg.

He loves to hear the little brook a-gurgling—

All.

Brook a-gurgling,

Serg.

And listen to the merry village chime—

All.

Village chime.

Serg.

When the coster’s finished jumping on his mother—

All.

On his mother,

Serg.

He loves to lie a-basking in the sun—

All.

In the sun.

Serg.

Ah, take one consideration with another—

All.

With another,

Serg.

The policeman’s lot is not a happy one.

All.

When constabulary duty’s to be done

To be done,

The policeman’s lot is not a happy one

Happy one.

Chorus of Pirates without, in the distance

A rollicking band of pirates we,

Who, tired of tossing on the sea,

Are trying their hand at a burglaree,

With weapons grim and gory.

Serg.

Hush, hush! I hear them on the manor poaching,

With stealthy step the pirates are approaching.

Chorus of Pirates, resumed nearer

We are not coming for plate or gold—

A story General Stanley told—

We seek a penalty fifty-fold,

For General Stanley’s story!

Police.

They seek a penalty—

Pirates. Without.

Fifty-fold,

We seek a penalty—

Police.

Fifty-fold,

All.

WeThey seek a penalty fifty-fold,

For General Stanley’s story.

Police.

They come in force, with stealthy stride,

Our obvious course is now—to hide.

Police conceal themselves. As they do so, the Pirates, with Ruth and Frederic, are seen appearing at ruined window. They enter cautiously, and come down stage on tiptoe. Samuel is laden with burglarious tools and pistols, etc.

Chorus

Pirates. Very loud.

With cat-like tread,

Upon our prey we steal,

In silence dread

Our cautious way we feel.

Police. Pianissimo.

Tarantara, tarantara!

Pirates. Very loud.

No sound at all,

We never speak a word,

A fly’s foot-fall

Could be distinctly heard—

Police.

Tarantara, tarantara!

Pirates.

Ha! ha!

Ho! ho!

So stealthily the pirate creeps

While all the household soundly sleeps.

Ha! ha! ho! ho!

Police. Pianissimo.

Tarantara, tarantara!

Forte. Tarantara!

Pirates.

Come friends, who plough the sea,

Truce to navigation;

Take another station;

Let us vary piracy

With a little burglary!

Sam. Distributing implements to various members of the gang.

Here’s your crowbar and your centrebit,

Your life preserver—you may want to hit;

Your silent matches, your dark lantern seize,

Take your file and your skeletonic keys.

All. Fortissimo.

With cat-like tread, etc.

Recit.

Fred.

Hush, not a word! I see a light inside!

The Major-General comes, so quickly hide!

Gen. Without.

Yes, yes, the Major-General comes!

Pirates.

He comes!

Gen. Entering in dressing-gown, carrying a light.

Yes, yes, I come!

Police.

He comes!

Gen.

Yes, yes, I come!

All.

The Major-General comes!

Solo

Gen.

Tormented with the anguish dread

Of falsehood unatoned,

I lay upon my sleepless bed,

And tossed and turned and groaned.

The man who finds his conscience ache

No peace at all enjoys,

And as I lay in bed awake

I thought I heard a noise.

Pirates.

He thought he heard a noise—ha! ha!

Police.

He thought he heard a noise—ha! ha! Very loud.

Gen.

No, all is still

In dale, on hill;

My mind is set at ease.

So still the scene—

It must have been

The sighing of the breeze.

Ballad

Gen.

Sighing softly to the river

Comes the loving breeze,

Setting nature all a-quiver,

Rustling through the trees—

All.

Through the trees.

And the brook, in rippling measure,

Laughs for very love,

While the poplars, in their pleasure,

Wave their arms above!

Police and Pirates.

Yes, the trees, for very love,

Wave their leafy arms above!

River, river, little river,

May thy loving prosper ever.

Heaven speed thee, poplar tree,

May thy wooing happy be.

Gen.

Yet, the breeze is but a rover,

When he wings away!

Brook and poplar mourn a lover!

Sighing well-a-day!

All.

Well-a-day!

Gen.

Ah! the doing and undoing,

That the rogue could tell,

When the breeze is out a-wooing,

Who can woo so well?

Police and Pirates.

Shocking tales the rogue could tell,

Nobody can woo so well.

Pretty brook, thy dream is over,

For thy love is but a rover!

Sad the lot of poplar trees,

Courted by the fickle breeze!

Enter the General’s daughters, all in white peignoires and night-caps, and carrying lighted candles

Girls.

Now what is this, and what is that, and why does father leave his rest

At such a time of night as this, so very incompletely dressed?

Dear father is, and always was, the most methodical of men:

It’s his invariable rule to go to bed at half-past ten.

What strange occurrence can it be that calls dear father from his rest

At such a time of night as this, so very incompletely dressed?

King. Springing up.

Forward, my men, and seize that General there! They seize the General.

His life is over.

Gen.

The pirates! Oh, despair!

Mabel and Girls.

The pirates! the pirates! Oh, despair!

Pirates.

Yes, yes, we are the pirates, so despair—

King.

With base deceit

You worked upon our feelings!

Revenge is sweet,

And flavours all our dealings!

With courage rare

And resolution manly,

For death prepare,

Unhappy General Stanley!

Fred. Coming forward.

Alas, alas, unhappy General Stanley!

Gen.

Frederic here! Oh, joy! Oh, rapture!

Summon your men and effect their capture!

Mabel.

Frederic, save us!

Fred.

Beautiful Mabel,

I would if I could, but I am not able.

Pirates.

He’s telling the truth, he is not able.

Police. Pianissimo.

Tarantara, tarantara!

Mabel. Wildly.

Is he to die, unshriven—unannealed?

Girls.

Oh, spare him!

Mabel.

Will no one in his cause a weapon wield?

Girls.

Oh, spare him!

Police Springing up.

Yes, we are here, though hitherto concealed!

Girls.

Oh, rapture!

Police.

So to our prowess, pirates, quickly yield!

Girls.

Oh, rapture!

A struggle ensues between Pirates and Police. Eventually the Police are overcome, and fall prostrate, the Pirates standing over them with drawn swords.

Chorus of Police and Pirates

YouWe triumph now, for well we trow

Our mortal career’s cut short,

No pirate band will take its stand

At the Central Criminal Court.

Serg.

To gain a brief advantage you’ve contrived,

But your proud triumph will not be long-lived.

King.

Don’t say you are orphans, for we know that game.

Serg.

On your allegiance we’ve a nobler claim—

We charge you yield, in Queen Victoria’s name!

King. Baffled.

You do!

Police.

We do!

We charge you yield in Queen Victoria’s name!

Pirates kneel, Police stand over them triumphantly.

King.

We yield at once, with humbled mien,

Because, with all our faults, we love our Queen!

Police.

Yes, yes, with all their faults they love their Queen!

Ladies.

Yes, yes, with all, etc.

Police, holding Pirates by the collar, take out handkerchiefs and weep.

Gen.

Away with them, and place them at the bar!

Ruth.

One moment! let me tell you who they are.

They are no members of the common throng;

They are all noblemen, who have gone wrong!

Gen., Police, and Girls.

What, all noblemen?

King and Pirates.

Yes, all noblemen!

Gen., Police, and Girls.

What, all?

King.

Well, nearly all!

Gen.

No Englishman unmoved that statement hears,

Because, with all our faults, we love our House of Peers.

All kneel to Pirates who rise.

Recit.

Gen.

I pray you pardon me, ex-Pirate King,

Peers will be peers, and youth will have its fling.

Resume your ranks and legislative duties,

And take my daughters, all of whom are beauties.

Finale

Mabel.

Poor wandering ones!

Though ye have surely strayed,

Take heart of grace,

Your steps retrace,

Poor wandering ones!

If such poor love as ours

Can help you find

True peace of mind,

Why, take it, it is yours!

All.

Poor wandering ones! etc.

Curtain

Notes and Corrections: The Pirates of Penzance

The title page is adapted from the single-title editions of other plays in Savoy Operas. In the printed book, speaker attributions that I’ve given as “King and Ruth”—those names only—were shown on two lines (King. Ruth.), bracketed together. Significant differences between this text and the published libretto are listed separately, below.

Cast List

Kate [New York]: Miss R. Brandram
[I had to look this up. Could one of the “beautiful young maidens” really have been played by the same person who created so many Comic Aging Spinster roles? Or did two unrelated singers simply have similar names?
No: same person. This was, after all, the century that saw nothing wrong with letting actresses in their forties play Juliet. Pick a contralto, any contralto . . .]

Miss Neva Bond
[Neva Bond was Jessie Bond’s kid sister. Most of the time she was stuck in the chorus, so we are lucky to see her by name here. Richard and George Temple, on the other hand, don’t seem to have been related; “Temple” wasn’t even George’s real surname.]

Act One

I was, alas! his nurserymaid
[Parlor game: See how many separate features of the plot of Pirates of Penzance make no sense at all. Keep count. My pet Nonsensical Objection is: A household with sufficient status to employ a nursery maid would never apprentice a boy at the age of eight. Instead, they got him out of the house at this age by sending him off to preparatory school.]

Climbing over rocky mountain
[Pirates’s history of swiping songs from other operas goes back to the very beginning. This one’s from Thespis.
The official story is that the authors forgot to bring the music with them to New York, and had to shove in a song from Thespis instead. In order to accept this, you have to believe at least two unlikely premises, although not necessarily before breakfast. First: that music from eight years earlier was fresher in the authors’ minds than something they had only just finished composing. And, second: If you are the captain of an ocean liner transporting Gilbert and Sullivan across the Atlantic, and they disclose that they have forgotten some of the music for a new show, would you not unhesitatingly turn the ship around, with the full support of all passengers and crew?
My hunch is that the intended music for this scene never was all that good.]

Poor wandering one
[Officially this is a parody of the mad scene in Lucia di Lammermoor. But after a while, all coloratura arias start sounding like parodies of each other.]

a modern Major-Gineral
[Given the choice between misspelling a word and replacing a true rhyme with an assonance, both Bell and the libretto went with misspelling. The vocal score trusts singers to get it right even when spelled “General”.
Considering how many times Gilbert and Sullivan parodied existing songs, it’s only fair that some of theirs should be parodied in turn. My current (mid-2016) favorite is the modern fundamentalist.]

I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies
[Every generation has its canonical list of Good Artists and, er, Not-So-Good Artists. This particular trio seems to have held about the same relative rank in 1879 as they do today. Pity; it would be a lot funnier if their status had shifted over the years. (“Raphael? Who the heck was that?”)]

the croaking chorus from the “Frogs” of Aristophanes
[βρεκεκεκὲξ κοὰξ κοάξ et cetera. But you knew that.]

sat a gee
[Sometimes written in one word as “agee” . Whether agee or a gee, it was probably as little known in 1879 as it is today; it means “askew” or “sideways”. The OED suggests, without firmly committing itself, that it could be related to the horse-driving command “gee” (right, counterpart to “haw”, left).]

Act Two

Go ye heroes, go to glory
[If this is a parody of some specific song, I can only say that I feel sorry for it, because the original can obviously never again be played “straight”.]

Trio—Ruth, King, and Frederic
[The libretto uses the same wording, though the first verse—without speaker assignment—is obviously only sung by the King and Ruth.]

A policeman’s lot is not a happy one
[Neither is the lot of the twenty-first-century director, who is obliged to make the policemen interesting and entertaining without prompting snide references to Keystone Kops.]

Come friends, who plough the sea etc.
[Unlike most parody victims, the Anvil Chorus has held up pretty well.
But, on a more serious note: it was at this point that I realized I had to cross-check the George Bell text against some other source. This entire chorus is missing from the printed book, as it is from the London libretto. It is present in the New York libretto, in the vocal score—and, of course, in all performances of The Pirates of Penzance, anywhere, ever. In modern productions it’s a guaranteed show-stopper. Here’s one with three encores; rumor has it there exist recorded versions with up to six.
If, on the other hand, you are looking for “It Doesn’t Matter” (as in the Joseph Papp production with Kevin Kline) or for “Duty, Duty” (as in the EssGee production with Jon English), you’ll find both of those where Gilbert and Sullivan put them: in Ruddigore.]

all in white peignoires
[Spelling unchanged—but only because the London libretto has the same. Even the New York libretto has the more common “peignoirs”.]

What, all? / Well, nearly all!
[If a joke is worth telling, it’s worth telling twice. “What, never?” “Well—hardly ever.”]

Differences from Libretto

Unless otherwise noted, “Libretto” means the one published in London (Chappell); the New York (Hitchcock) libretto has differences of its own. I haven’t noted the detailed stage directions, like “Ruth comes down L.C. to Frederic”, which were generally omitted from the George Bell editions. For “Come, friends, who plough the sea” see above.

Differences from Libretto: Act One

Girls. Climbing over rocky mountain
[The New York libretto gets this wrong, assigning the line to Frederic.]

[Mabel] Be not—be not afraid,
Libretto: “Be not afraid” (only)

Edith beckons her sisters, who form in a semicircle around her.
Libretto: Kate beckons etc. No version has the expected “beckons to”.

the square of the hypotenuse
[The libretto goes into detail on each final line, always following this pattern:
(Bothered for next rhyme.) Lot o’ news—lot o’ news—
(Struck with an idea.) With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse;
(Joyfully.) With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse!]

Ensemble / General [Aside]: I’m telling a terrible story
[The libretto omits the word “Aside” for the Major-General, while retaining it for the other members of the ensemble.]

Away, you grieve her! . . . We wish you’d leave her!
[The London libretto omits “We wish you’d leave her!”. The New York libretto has—correctly—“grieve him” and “leave him”.]

King. For we are all orphan boys!
[The remaining lines, to the end of the Act, are missing from the New York libretto and vocal score (both Hitchcock); they are present in the London libretto.]

Differences from Libretto: Act Two

The pirates! Oh, despair!
[These lines—both the Major-General’s and his daughters’—are absent from both the present text and the London libretto, though the Pirates’ reply remains. The last words of the King’s preceding speech, “His life is over”, are also missing.]

With base deceit
[In the New York libretto and vocal score (Hitchcock), this song comes a little later, after “He’s telling the truth, he is not able.” Its position in the George Bell edition agrees with its position in the London libretto.]

Finale
[The New York libretto has an entirely different Finale (below). In performance you can, of course, slather on as much Finale as your audience will sit still for.]

All rise. Each Pirate takes a Girl.

Finale

Ruth.

At length we are provided, with unusual facility,

To change piratic crime for dignified respectability

King.

Combined, I needn’t say, with the unparalleled felicity

Of what we have been longing for—unbounded domesticity.

Mabel.

To-morrow morning early we will quickly be parsonified—

Hymeneally coupled, conjugally matrimonified.

Sergeant.

And this shall be accomplished by the doctor of divinity

Who happily resides in the immediate vicinity.

Chorus.

Who happily resides in the immediate vicinity.

General.

My military knowledge, though I’m plucky and adventury,

Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;

But still, in getting off my daughters—eight or nine or ten in all—

I’ve shown myself the model of a modern major general,

All.

His military knowledge, etc.

Dance.

Curtain

The original of this text is in the public domain—at least in the U.S.
My notes are copyright, as are all under-the-hood elements.
If in doubt, ask.

	TO FACE PAGE
“Pour, oh pour the pirate sherry; Fill, oh fill the pirate glass”	5
“I am a pirate!”	14
“Too late! Ha! Ha!”	18
“Away, you grieve me!”	22
Dance of the Pirates	24
“With cat-like tread, Upon our prey we steal”	38
Enter the General’s Daughters	40
A Struggle ensues between Pirates and Police	42